This has been one of those years, and I guess we all have them, where I have really wondered a lot about what my purpose is. Now on one hand I'll say that I believe my purpose to actually be very simple- to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, and mind. It's a purpose I can't fulfill on my own, and that is where grace comes into the picture. However, I guess my mind is just too unsatisfied with keeping it simple, and I still dwell on the question of how that is supposed to look in everyday life.
Maybe the last few days have been a reminder, and its funny how sometimes its the strangest of circumstances.
I've been blessed to walk through some pretty hard times with a couple of friends in the last few days. By walking through, I mean mostly sitting and listening; and in todays case sharing some tears as well. I'm blessed by it because it's a reminder of what is really important. The command to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind was followed directly by a second, and that was to love your neighbor as yourself. There's a number of things I take out of that, but in this situation what stands out to me the most is the concept of Love. Love... true love from God... does strange things to us. It twists our hearts into knots when we see someone we love suffering. It prompts us to do things we wouldn't normally have the courage to do. It brings joy, and it brings sorry- but ultimately it is good. It is a gift from God.
I kinda realized that when the situation comes where I am feeling genuine pain for the situation someone else is going through, love is the reason, and therefore I am in all my imperfection being obedient to the call to love. I guess I still don't totally understand my purpose... but maybe that's God just telling me that I have to learn to trust Him even more.
on a side note.... Larry Norman passed away on Sunday morning. Larry was a guy who seemed to struggle with everything except for his purpose, and therefore his music touched lives in a way that may not be equaled for a very long time. I've been a "fan" for about 12 years.. and saw him twice in concert, and maybe in the future I'll share some reflections, but for now just a simple set of lyrics from a song that has stuck with me.
I am a Servant
By Larry Norman. Album: In Another Land
I am a servant, I am listening for my name,
I sit here waiting, I've been looking at the game
That I've been playing, and I've been staying much the same
When you are lonely, you're the only one to blame.
I am a servant, I am waiting for the call,
I've been unfaithful, so I sit here in the hall.
How can you use me when I've never given all,
How can you choose me when you know I'd quickly fall.
So you feed my soul and you make me grow,
And you let me know you love me.
And I'm worthless now, but I've made a vow,
I will humbly bow before thee.
O please use me, I am lonely.
I am a servant getting ready for my part,
There's been a change, a rearrangement in my heart.
At last I'm learning, there's no returning once I start.
To live's a priveledge, to love is such an art
But I need your help to start,
O please purify my heart, I am your servant.